Sunday, February 21, 2010


So since I'm going to be up for a while doing homework, I might as well update my blog. It was getting a little dusty haha. So this past week was... a lot. I had fun hanging out with my friends and family. The movies, laser tag, Bertucci's, shoe shopping, Taboo, bowling, the mall. It was great. But at the end of each day that dreading feeling came crawling back. I procrastinated, as usual. I always say that I'll get stuff done, that I'll start over fresh, but I never do. It's always the same. I gotta get it together! This is junior year. I'm supposed to be at my academic peak! Instead, it feels like this is my worst year yet.
I spent a good chunk of my vacation making gifts for other people. I don't know why. I could've been starting my Latin project or researching for my History presentation or typing my extra credit paper for Chemistry or catching up on English, but I didn't. Somehow making other people happy is valued more than getting good grades or doing my work on time. I don't know. It doesn't even make sense to me anymore.
Right now, I feel like a chubby little kid is sitting on my chest. Not like I can't breath, but like I have a heavy heart. Which is odd because I'm not sad. Maybe it's just that dreading feeling coming back again.
I was looking through colleges earlier and I realized that the two colleges that I really like are both Ivy Leagues. And that worried me. I have no idea what my GPA is right now and I'm scared to find out. I thought I was smart. SCRATCH THAT. I know I'm smart, but at certain times (like now, past midnight still trying to do work) it's not apparent even to me. So in summary, my vacations are always good then bad. Fun, then I beat myself up for not doing work earlier.

And The Script is on the radio now. On Kiss 108. I love that band! But if Kiss ruins it by overplaying them, I think I'm gonna hafta beat someone up.
Ugh. Well, I better get reading. Before my dad comes home from work and adds more days to my "punishment". Before my Grandma's 82nd birthday party tomorrow (thanks mom for not telling me it was gonna be at our house). Before I have a mental breakdown. Before I get off topic and start thinking about Goofy. Before I really feel the effects of a heavy heart. Before I go eat some cold pizza in the kitchen... *NOM NOM NOM*
Too late... :)

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