Sunday, March 7, 2010


It's been about 2 weeks since the last time I blogged. Time to catch up.

Things have been pretty ehh, I don't know how to say it. But that was only yesterday so let me start from way back when... last week! Haha. Jeez. It feels weird sitting down and saying what I feel again. Last time I did it was last weekend when I wrote a note for Malcolm on Facebook. It was about his leaving. It took a while to get everything out, but it left me feeling accomplished and a little more at ease with the whole topic.

Anywho. So yes, Malcolm is leaving for Texas. I don't want to start talking about it again because I could go on forever. Just read my Facebook note. Malcolm means a lot to me and it's hard watching him go so far away, but at the same time I think it's best for the both of us. We both need a change. We both need to grow up.
Count down 14 days until he leaves. I'd better make the best of the little time left we have together... ;_;

So Goofy. The first Tuesday after vacation I was walking up the stairs to the cafeteria when Tuan asked me to buy some candy to help fund raise for boy's volleyball haha. And Goofy was looking at me shaking the bag of candy, but I cut the convo short with a quick explanation of why I wasn't gonna buy any (and tried really hard not to look at Goofy). In our Thursday study, the seats were messed up and someone sat where I usually sit next to him so I had to sit a few seats over. And my friend Sushi needed help with chemistry so I tried to focus on helping her. It was hard. All the while I kept glancing over at him. And I was soooo close to texting him, but I stopped myself from doing it. Throughout the entire study out of the corner of my eye I say him look back at me once. And before the end of class, I asked him when the meeting for boy's volleyball was. That's it. So obviously I'm not over over him. I don't know when I will be either. What I do know is that horrible feeling I get whenever I see him (btw, I don't even see him around ____ anymore, but I'm sure if I did, I'd hurt even more). That day at the volleyball meeting, I stayed after school to get Algebra help from Mr. Cao who just happens to be the coach of both vball teams (I admit that I probably also stayed to see which guys were trying out). I was sitting at the table in the back of the room trying to go algebra, but the room got loud (especially with ____ arguing with her sister right next to me) so I left. And it was when I got up with my stuff when I realized that Goofy had been standing next to me.... but I still didn't look at him. I just left the room and went home. I can't look at him anymore. It already hurts seeing him and knowing that I can never have him, but it hurts even more knowing that he doesn't talk to me anymore. I don't know when we'll happen to go out to eat with the same group of friends, but even then, I doubt I'll get a chance to talk to him. I see him at practice, but that's it. He passed me a ball but that's it. Maybe one day he'll actually talk to me again. Maybe one day he'll aim me or text me. I hope so. I always will until the day I finally get over him... Stupid crushes.
But anyways, enough about him. I don't want him to be the only thing I write about in my blogs.

So I got retainers a while ago. They suck. I used to be able to eat in like every class (haha fatty), but now every time I eat I have to take them out. It's so annoying. And the extra spit gets tiring -_-
Oh well. That's the price of having straight teeth and not buck teeth like I used to have. Except after they took off the braces I realized that I had little white marks on my teeth. So I searched it on Google and realized that I have fluoridis or something like that. It's not gonna go away. Apparently the dentist can give me fillings, but that's pretty much it. Even certain whitening processes won't make them go away. Great. Oh well. I'll learn to live with it.

Hmm. What else did I write down? Well, I think it was last Thursday, but I saw my friend Tingtong cry. And it hurt a lot seeing her so hurt. It sucks. It made me realize that the world is a cruel place. There are so many things that can bring you down, so many things that can go wrong, and your emotions don't really help with that either... but in the end of the day, you should be happy (I really gotta start taking my own advice). Yes, the world is shitty, but just thing about what you can do to make it better. Or think about all the people that support you. Get a joy from helping others. We're dealt a bunch of crap, but we're expected to rise above it and dish out a bunch of love. It's hard sometimes, but it makes life worthwhile. Love is what makes the world go round. If we lost that, we'd all surely perish. I mean, is it really worth it? Killing yourself? You just haven't seen the better parts of life yet. Things get better. Because with every down, there's sure to be an upside. I truly believe that, it's just that sometimes my emotions get in the way and make it harder for me to be so optimistic :)

Ummm... hey! My boobs got bigger! lol! Just wanted to throw that in there. n_n
Oh! Last Friday was amazing! Afterschool I went to Porter with Ninja, Twinn, and both my fiance(e)s. I had so much fun :D After eating, fiance took us to this cupcake place in Harvard Square. Maybe the chocolate frosting shots were better than the vanilla ones because I didn't care for it that much. It was a mouthful of sugar and I thought I was gonna die lol jk. But the cupcake was pretty good. After a few seconds in my mouth, there was a burst of chocolatey flavor. Yummmm... :9
Then Ninja and Twinn had to go so it was me and my fiances. Fiance took us to get some mochi balls and it was pretty good. Then we visited Newbury Comics. Funnnn! I'm def gonna wander there again.
The only problem was that at one point I was holding on to my fiance, like we were linking arms. And fiancee was walking behind us. I sort of knew what I was doing when I did it, but then again I wasn't thinking about fiancee and how she was feeling :( I've always said that I would never make anyone of my friends feel like the third wheel (which I shouldn't worry about because fiance and I aren't going out), but I just feel like fiancee felt sort of excluded, which I never meant to happen. I'm sorryyy D:
And I realize that I've been saying that a lot to her lately... sighhh. After a while, the words "I'm sorry" lose their meaning.

And I was watching ABCFamily last weekend. There was this movie on about this little girl growing up. And she was only like 10 or something when her best friend died. It was so sad! I realized that I'm very lucky. Sheesh... if my life was like those on ABCFamily, I think I'd shoot myself lol. Too much drama. The real world is bad, but most people's lives aren't like that. Those are the people that are lucky, who should cherish each and every day and all that they have. Look past all the drama and think about the things that really matter... :)

Oh yea! That friday I looked at my horoscope and it said "The secret to attaining admirers is to appreciate the attributes in others." Ehhhh... I thought I did admire the attributes in others. Horoscope confuse me. I read about my sign, Aquarius, and it sums up my personality almost perfectly, but horoscopes get me all wrong. They're never right. I guess you can't predict the future. It's meant to be vast and unknown. There's a reason why we don't know. I'm just wondering what it is...

So Tuesday I took the 32 bus home and there was this dude. Hot. Taller than me. Light-skinned. Wore thick framed nerdy-yet-cool glasses. He had a bright red bag on. He dressed nicely. And best of all, he had a camera around his neck. Like a professional camera. I just think it would be so HOT to date/marry a photographer. Idk, maybe it's just me haha. Yea. Just wanted to throw that out there.

And Wednesday I helped Thomas in practice with the guys. That was fun :)

And that's pretty much all I have to sum up that past two weeks. Nothing too exciting happened. I just learned a little bit more about myself and the world, but I'll talk more about that in the upcoming posts because I'm not done! I have plenty more to say, trust me.

Je les aime. Je ne peux pas vivre sans eux. Mes amis...

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