Oh goodness. This has been the longest couple of days in... ever haha. It's like I'm on a roller coaster that's gone out of control. At first everything's fine and I'm happy, but then one little thing happens and my world does a complete 180. Everything goes wrong and I'm upset and I start to cry. It's ridiculous. I feel sorta kinda bipolar. All I want to do is get off this roller coaster. I wish I could redo everything starting from Wednesday afternoon. Turn back time and forget that things ever happened, that'd be wonderful. Because I'd like to be stable again, to feel stable. My eyes weren't made to cry this much lol.
So where should I start? Hmmm... hows about on Thursday night. Thanksgiving. I had a pretty bad Thanksgiving. The worst out of all my years. The morning was fine, but then my mom came by and said that we were trying to leave by 3. So I kept doing whatever I was doing because I still had time. So 2 o'clock comes around and she barges in yelling at me asking if I was still going. Then she tells me that she said we were trying to get there by 3 (which is complete bullshit cuz I know what she said before). And so we were both mad. I was getting dressed when she hopped in the car and threatened to leave me. She claimed that I didn't want to go -_-
I had to run out to the car. And on the drive over to Rhode Island I cried. Quietly, but still I'm sure my Dad noticed since he was sitting next to me. He didn't do or say anything. Nice. What kind of family is that? We got to my aunt's house and she had to leave for work so we were left with my twin cousins and a table covered with half-eaten food. I was silent while we ate. I already felt crappy. (Though I did crack a smile when my mom asked what would we do if she was choking... *inside joke*) Later on she made some rude comment about me. She was like "I don't see why people say Dinah and Christina are so alike. Christina's so mean. I don't see how she has any friends." Alright so maybe it was supposed to make me smile cuz they all laughed, but I walked away after that. So later we went to my godmother's house (also my aunt) where the majority of my cousins were. I had more fun there because my cousins distracted me from my immediate family haha. What can I say? They know how to make me laugh. It was maybe 11 when I go a ride home with Dinah and her bf. In the car ride he was talking to her about me. He said "Your sister seems especially surly lately. What's wrong with her?" Then they went on about how my sister doesn't know what surly means... but still, it's amazing to me that he would actually ask about me when no body in my (immediate) family will. Again, what kind of family is that?
So I got on aim at home and put in my status that I had the worst Thanksgiving ever. And Qui aimed.
Qui 11:12 pm
got some lint in my food, bout to go eat it 21m ago <-- that's an inside joke haha
(10:23:00 PM): [Offline IM sent 50m ago] hey i dont think i can go tomorrow
(11:12:28 PM): [Offline IM sent 50m ago] my mom wants to go shopping
(11:12:28 PM): [Offline IM sent 50m ago] T.T
(11:12:34 PM): [Offline IM sent 50m ago] i guess im suppose to hpold her bags
(11:12:34 PM): [Offline IM sent 50m ago] >:(
Qui 11:35 pm
(11:35:28 PM): hey u alrite ?
(11:39:09 PM): i hope everything goes well storm, happy thanksgiving i am tahnkful for having the storm because she predicts the weather :-)
(11:39:21 PM): goodnite storm (and then he set that as his status...)
I didn't want to talk to him so I ignored him even if that was really thoughtful. Sometimes I just want to hit him for being so flippin nice. Like I want to hate him for it, but I can't. That just doesn't make any sense lol.
Anywho, since I wasn't going to the mall with him, I decided to go with Vtang. After her tooth-decayingly sweet comment on my last blog I couldn't help but want to spend some time with her. It turned out to be just what I needed!
I woke up at 5:30, left at 6:30, missed my bus, waited a while for the next one, got to Savin Hill, waited there for a really long time in the cold, and walked to Thao's house in fuggs (really bad idea, if only I knew that it was going to rain in the morning... my boots got soaked! lol). We got to the mall around 9... and Vtang and I left around 3/4. Six hours and I walked out having bought just a CD hahah. I introduced her to Chipotle though! Yummm...♥ And I saw Jenn too! And I tried on a lot of hats lol.
By the time we got to Downtown we were both exhausted. I got home expecting my dad to yell at me for staying out nearly 12 hours, but surprisingly he didn't. (I guess it only counts for when I stay out late.. *rolls eyes*) But my mom walked by my room and nagged me. Maybe he's using her as a secret weapon to get under my skin. If so, it's working. She's seriously pissing me off. My fist is aching to throw some punches. At anything and anyone. Watch out... >_>
But yea. In the middle of uploading pics, Qui aimed again. Asking what's wrong. And by that time I was so frustrated with the pics and tired of having to lie and cover up the truth and frustrated with my own thoughts and feelings and just so done with everything that I tried to tell him. Or I hinted at it, but it didn't work. I couldn't do it lol. It was just a fail cuz he kept being to nice and supportive. He kept trying to cheer me up, but I couldn't crack a smile. I was literally shaking with fear (or whatever mix of emotions I was feeling). So in the end he put up a pic of Storm and Nightcrawler together to cheer me up. I could've died.
Also, in the end I hinted at something I probably shouldn't have. And I feel terrible for doing that too. If only I could've started all over! Everything's all mixed up now and ughhhhh! This sucks. I wonder what it's gonna be like talking in person...
Yea. So after that I finished uploading all the pics. And I got tired so I just fell asleep. And now today I believe I'm going to the movies with my cousins (the Gang!) to see HP. Only I refuse to see that movie so I'll probably go see something else lol. And I feel bad for that too because I was originally supposed to see that movie with Sushi on Wednesday. Aghhh! Why is this week so crappy?!
I wonder how/if I'm gonna get any school work done lmaooo.
So for last thoughts... Vicky. Vickster lol. I ♥ her. She's been super awesome these past few days. I know I don't like talking about my "love" life and I hate that it's so hard for me to do it with her, but I love her for trying. And look, she actually got me to do it through this blog! How did I get such a good friend like her? I wonder.. what is she thinking? Does she know she's helping me? Because I know if the tables were turned and she was the one hurting, I'd feel like all my talks weren't helping :\
Anyway, if you didn't, now you know. You're amazing. (You're a star!) Thank you. And I really do hope we get to go skating again lol.
And Vtang. Once again, thanks for the wonderfully tiring day yesterday. I can't believe it's been so long since we last hang out! We have to do it more. (Karaoke!) And I'm not sure if you figured out who the guy is... I'd rather you not know actually. But if you find out, you find out.
I know I should've known better (not to like him). But hey, the heart wants what it wants. It wants what it can't have. That seems to be especially true for my heart...
That's a picture that Frank-o-bean tagged me in hahaha.
It's like my heart breaks free from the leash every single time.
This reminds me of those poems I wrote (I wrote them at the perfect time because they match exactly how I feel now). I think I'm going to go read them now. Blog you laters.
Xtina. Monkee. Cjoe. Kandi. Twinn.