Sunday, January 16, 2011

Morning Tears

Beautiful dreamer,
Wake unto me.
Starlight and dewdrops
Are awaiting thee.

This morning sometime around 5am I woke up.
And I was crying.

In the dream I was having I was crying, like seriously bawling, and I guess it must've been too much emotional stress because I woke up and actual tears were sliding down my cheeks. Has that ever happened to you before? This was the second time for me.
I don't dream a lot (or it may just be that I don't remember most of my dreams) but when I do have them, they're usually intense, some the good kind and others the bad kind. So the first time this happened I was dreaming that my friend Frank died. I don't remember how but in the dream I broke down crying and I woke up crying too. Frank means a lot to me. Although we don't see each other or talk much anymore because he's busy with college and work, he's still considered a dear friend to me. So when I woke up I was almost in shock. I texted him right away haha. Sooner or later I fell back asleep and when I woke up he replied saying that he loved me lol. That jerk haha. We had a nice little convo about it. And of course I was glad to know that he was still alive :)
But anyway, the dream I woke up from this morning was different. I was in school in class sitting next to Vicky. We were talking... well, it was more like me talking to her. I was trying to start a convo. Eventhough she kept giving me short answers, I kept at it. I asked her what she had for breakfast. I know she doesn't eat much so I said that I would make her breakfast and stuff but out of nowhere she flips out at me saying that she didn't want any of my burnt eggs (the proper term is overcooked actually; this was probably because of my friend Thomas, he's "teaching" me how to cook and last week I tried making an omelet but I accidentally burned the onions and sausage and overcooked the eggs, it was a complete fail...) and tells me to leave her alone. I was really hurt so I tell her "Fine. Fuck you, bitch!" and everyone in the class gave me an applause. I got up to leave the room, but right before I walked out the door I opened a half gallon carton of milk and throw it on the ground at her. (Don't ask me why I had it, I just did lol.) So I left and I started running down the hall crying. I saw Lexy at the end of the hall so I ran to her and hugged her. I was bawling on her shoulder and we both sunk to the ground. And she held me and tried to console me. And then I woke up. And like the little traitors they are, tears were on my face.
That was the second time I cried so far this year *sigh*
I know that recently there's been a bit of tension between Vicky and I. I had her waiting downtown in the cold earlier this week. I still feel really bad about it. Even Friday when I was waiting in Ms. Santos' room for a friend, it was awkward. We didn't talk much :(
I hope it doesn't last too long. Though me hiding from her on AIM probably isn't helping either...
But back to the main topic, now that I think about it, this has happened once before. It was a really long time ago when I was a kid. I had this dream that my brother Malcolm died. And I'm sure by now people know how much he means to me. I was terrified because he was away at college and I couldn't be sure it was real or now. So I went to my parents' room crying and I told my mom what happened. And she was like "So what? It's just a dream", which didn't really help but she let me stay in their room anyway.
Moms. Can't live with them, can't live without them.
But yea, dreams like that are really scary. There's always that moment of bewilderment when you're not sure what's real and what was part of the dream. But in the end, for me, the dream is like a reality check. It teaches me not to take my friends or family, those who matter most to me, for granted.

Tears can be very revealing...
Good morning :)

No comments:

Post a Comment