Sunday, May 29, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sigh. That was short lived...
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
It feels like I have the world on my shoulders and I think I might just crack under the pressure.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
It should be common knowledge not to get into a relationship or anything senior year, but these things don't come planned. I had no idea this would happen and I definitely don't like feeling this way, but it's out of my control isn't it. There's not much I can do except ride this high until I reach the low.
... And that's all I have planned out. Maybe I'll run away after lmao. I sound so cool, right? In my mind I'm calm and collected, just a bit nervous, but I know that come the time for me to execute my plan, I'll literally be shaking with fear. It's scary telling people how you feel! Especially face to face. But that's a part of growing up I guess. You have to learn how to step out of your shell and try something new. Like a friend once said, "Do something that scares you everyday." :)
There are a number of things that could go wrong. He might not go home after the game. He might not go home ALONE after the game. He could be upset. I might not be able to find him. But whatever happens, I'll try my best to do this. It's good for my confidence (having the courage to actually do it). Plus, there could be some good that comes out of this... ;)
Anywho, I'll wait a nerve-racking week and if he doesn't respond then that's when I know I need get over him and move on. Sigh, all this thinking lol. This is what he does to me. On the bright side, if he does respond and we do get to talking... then I might just get a boyfriend (like Lexy keeps telling me to do lol). That's if what Vicky says is true, that we were flirting with each other. That's if he likes me back...
Agh, I'm so anxious!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
I don't want to believe it because I'd be setting myself up to get hurt again just like all the other times. But then again, he sort of started noticing and talking to me first. So maybe she's right. Or not. Either way...... I can't flirt lmao. I'm like the least sexy person in Boston. I can't lure any guy near, which is why by this Friday (Monday, really) I will have gone through 4 years of high school without achieving my goal of going out on a real date. I guess I'm unapproachable. So much for wishful thinking. I was sure I would've gotten it done this year too...
But, I'm going to the states game tomorrow. To support the team. To see and maybe talk to (more like argue with) him lol. It's obvious I just don't want to admit it.
Oh hey! It's raining. The perfect time for me to sleep. The sound helps me sleep :3 Night loves!
"Friends. People you know. People you used to know. People you think you once knew, but probably never did. You probably just knew a part of them, the part of them that was your friend. And the rest, the parts of them that you didn't know -- the twisted parts, the untrue parts, the parts you're seeing now -- well, back then you just ignored them. But now you can't. Because now you can see it all, and now you know that "back then" wasn't all wonderful and innocent. It was just a time and a place, just like every other time and place. The only difference now is that the things -- the people -- that belonged to the old time and place aren't here anymore, and things that aren't here anymore don't hurt anymore. The only things that hurt are the things that hurt right now."
It's amazing how he can get inside the mind of a teenager so well. I mean, of course he was one once too, but still, his writing, his stories, always somehow remind me of... myself, my life.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Last summer was the best I ever had because I got to spend a bunch of time with all my friends. My goal is to do that again (while getting a job because being broke isn't fun). There's only so much time left before we go our separate ways... it sorta makes me sad.
But anyway, I haven't been getting much of any sleep lately. Last week I was tired everyday, then over the weekend I had so much to do that I couldn't get a full night's sleep, and now so far this week I haven't slept well either. It's exhausting. I go to school and I'm so tired that I'm either like a zombie or I just sleep in class. Today though I came home after Chorus, ate, got my prom shoes!, and fell asleep lol. At least I'll have gotten like 4 hours of sleep tonight, right? haha. It's so bad.
I had a dream while I was "napping" though. It was about him. The freckled kid. It's true that dreams are a part of the subconscious mind, but I've always felt that everything you dream of has some sort of relevance to real life, your thoughts, your feelings. (Is that true as well?) And for me to have a dream about him says something really important, especially considering what happened in the dream. In summary, I think my dream means that I want to be close to him. Or some part of my subconscious does. Maybe it was just a random thought way back in the crevices of my brain working it's way into pictures on the forefront of my mind. Or maybe that's what's really on my mind. Hmmmm... Yeah, you could say that I'm overthinking this lol.
Okay, I have to go do homework now. (Yes, there are teachers who are still giving out work to do -_- ) My brain is so dead I don't know how I'm gonna write this essay thing for English. Sigh. Night! Or actually, morning! I told you I was going nocturnal...
Thursday, May 12, 2011
You know that person who annoys the bageegees outta you but you still end up talking to anyway? Well in this case I guess I kinda want to talk to him. He does things I don't like, but he.. interests me. Maybe it's the freckles. You can't tell much about a person without talking to them anyway haha.. I really need to get some new guy friends -_- All these volleyball guys... they just don't do me any good.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
"I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that."
- Martin Luther King Jr.