Saturday, October 29, 2011

The Temper Trap - Soldier On

summary of my mood. the slow pace, the vocals, the guitar, the drums. it's time stopping.

On my way to Dartmouth for volleyball..

It just would've been nice to know that someone who cares about me will be there cheering me on, be it family or friend. If they care, that is.

Monday, October 24, 2011


Everyday I see my dream...

Time Management

So I've been trying to work on my time management skills ever since Malcolm started drilling the concept into my head back in middle school. And I'm still not very good at it.
This weekend has been pretty fun. Friday's Halloween dinner was delicious, I laughed a lot at the dance, I wasn't completely pissed off at Saturday's games, the BSU party was bumpinnnn, and I got to spend more time with a new friend. But come Sunday night I just could not properly focus on my work. After sleeping at like 4 in the morning, I woke up at 1pm. From there I went to brunch, did my laundry, and later went to lunch. But sometime after that when I was actually starting on my work, the fact that I had 3 tests and a quiz to study for didn't quite register into my brain. So at some point I got tired and took a nap. And after finishing studying for IT, I moved on to Precalc. By then it was probably midnight and I was having trouble with it. So I did what I could and moved on... and now I'm here. I left the biggest, most important subject for last. I have no idea how I'm gonna pull off that Bio test tomorrow. I've learned pretty much nothing in that class these last two weeks. This sucks. But I figure had I managed my time better I would've been more focused and gotten more work done. Sigh. Wish me luck tomor-today peoples! I'm gonna be running on maybe 2 hours of sleep.
Oh college...

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Switchfoot - Meant to Live

I heard this song earlier today and I just forgot how great a song it was...
Anyhow, I'm getting ready for that party later on tonight. Wish me luck on the dance floor ;) I'm actually pretty nervous. I don't know what to wear! I don't have partying clothes like that! I won't even mention dancing. I wish my old friends were here so I could dance with them and not feel like a complete idiot..

Thursday, October 20, 2011


It's Thursday and you know what I'm doing...
having some Mini Rigatoni Pasta with Vodka Cream Sauce.

Hell yeah, I'm going hard tonight >:)

Monday, October 17, 2011

S.M. the Ballad - Hot Times

I gotta be honest, I have absolutely no idea what these guys are saying, but their voices are angelic. This song is like sex to my ears lmao. I really like... Jonghyun? And that guy with the bow tie! ^_^ <3

K-Pop Trip :)

SNSD, Big Bang, Son Dan Bi, SHINee, SS501, Taeyang, Se7en...

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Grits - My Life Be Like (Ooh Aah)

Deleting Friends

I'm going through my list of Facebook friends and I'm deleting everyone I don't know anymore. It's one thing to have known someone (as in you went to school with them for 6 years...) but when you fall upon their profile to see that they're in some other country doing something you never thought they'd be doing and either you haven't spoken to them since you've become friends on Facebook or you've never talked to them in person, then you may as well be a complete stranger to me. Therefore, I'm deleting you from my list of friends on my Facebook.
It's actually sort of depressing. I go through all these people and it occurs to me that I barely ever knew them at all... It shows me just how few friends I have. But I guess in the end I'd rather have a handful of true friends than hundreds of strangers called friends.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Robyn - Call Your Girlfriend

I don't remember if I already posted this song before, but I just have to reiterate that it's amazing. The fact that all she's doing in the video is dancing makes me love Robyn even more haha :)
Body Talk was an amazing album. It was just hit after hit. Indestructible, Hang With Me, Dancing On My Own, and of course Call Your Girlfriend... <3

Far East Movement - Rocketeer ft. Ryan Tedder

Did I ever mention how much I loved this video? It has all the things I love: interracial relationships, skateboarders, Asians, and Victor Kim! lol <3
Love this song :)

Mike Posner - Please Don't Go

I was just listening to Bow Chicka Wow Wow and that reminded me of his much better song Please Don't Go lol. Although I don't like his blatant advertising of Duke University, the girl's bikini-top-cut-off-shorts-and-boots outfit, his large head, or the way his face looks when he's running in the video, I gotta say that I absolutely love the techno-y breakdown part of the song (and video, of course). The first time I saw it I thought something was wrong with my computer lol. But it's a lovely song and I really like the scenery :)

New Leaf

I went home last weekend and found a lovely little daisy growing in the most unusual little place. That's one bold flower... <3

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I knew I should've just left it alone.. but now I feel the need to clarify things. My lack of experience doesn't "irk" me at all. You can do whatever you want. What irks me is your boyfriend.

I hate to be so blunt because I thought I would've gotten over it by now, but obviously I haven't. It's just that I've made a life decision/goal not to be so passive anymore.

For some reason I always end up censoring what I say when I talk to my friends. I never quite get out what's on my mind. I don't know why it's so automatic. Maybe it's because I'm worried about seeming rude or of hurting someone's feelings or of losing a friend... But then, I should be able to tell my friends pretty much anything, right? Sigh.
I should've just left it alone.


Text anxiety (noun) : The feelings of uncertainty and fear when receiving a message (voice or text) that you are worried about.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I'm so done.

To the bitch on the team named Kayla who I accidentally hit with the door after practice today:
GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. You are in no way better than I am. I said sorry and I don't know if you were just having a bad day or something but, you know, it's common courtesy to respond when someone asks if you're okay. For some reason you just walked right by me. You didn't look at me, you didn't say a word. All right bitch, I'll keep that in mind for the next time something like that happens. And fyi, if I wanted to hit you with a door, I would've done it a LONG time ago...

I'm SO done with people walking all over me. I will be passive no more. You'd better believe things are gonna start changing right now.

Oh Tall Justin, we're alike in so many ways lol.

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @

I Can't Wait - Nu Shooz

This song has been stuck in my head ever since I heard it in the the store me and my friends went to this afternoon! I finally found it! :D

Monday, October 10, 2011

HAHAHAHAHA! Christmas came early, huh? lol
This is my feel good funny of the day. Cyanide & Happiness :)

Be warned: Their humor is dark, it might not be humorous to some...

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @

You're Unbelievable.

In a good way :)

Trying to Sum Up My Feelings...

It's one in the morning, my parents are sleeping in their room, my brother and sister both went out and I'm here at home in my room on my laptop. I'm sure listening to this depressing piano music isn't helping but I feel almost as if.. a piece of me is dying inside. That sounds pretty drastic, I know. Maybe I should say.. I feel as if this stillness in the house will never end. And that sort of scares me. Every time I come home I end up having a moment to myself where I just feel absolutely alone. This room that I've lived in for 18 years has turned into a storage room for my sister. Yes, all my stuff is still up on the walls and in my shelves and everything but it doesn't feel the same. Even though no one has slept in it, this bed is no longer my bed. That's how it feels at least. And today I realized that I started calling my dorm room home. It was like a smack in the face haha.
Earlier I was looking at a bunch of old pictures from the last year or so and it all feels like a dream, you know? I can remember what was happening in each of those pictures but it feels so distant. Like a dream. Like my life is passing by before my eyes. Like at the end of the day I can't smile because nothing I've done has brought me true happiness.... That's a lie. I'm proud of a lot of things I've done. Though I can't say that I smile every night. I don't smile much at all anyway. That's sad.

Ramble ramble ramble.
Basically I'm describing this lost feeling I have now. Just another stage in life I guess. The question is when will I get back on track? And how? When will I be able to look back at all those photographs and memories and not feel like I've lost anything, like I lost a whole other life?

Thursday, October 6, 2011

I've been thinking..

Last night the thought occurred to me and I today I've decided. I'm not going to play volleyball for this school next year. My reasons? I actually have a couple.
Currently on the team there are three juniors, three sophomores, and seven freshmen, including me. That means that next year (unless I turn into a killer and magically learn how to hit 1's overnight) I'll probably be playing just as often as I do now: rarely - even if we don't get any more new players. Plus there have been more than a couple times when my so-called teammates have pissed me off. After yesterday's game when we were taking down the net I found myself pushing the cart with the poles and nets and everything by myself. I've been doing that for the past couple of days so I'm used to it but yesterday no one was holding the gym door open for me. They were all changing their clothes on the other side of the gym getting ready to leave. I had to wait for some random kid to hold it open for me. How fucking messed up is that?! And today? We had a "light" practice working with the trainer. After she left we were supposed to serve for a bit. Tell me why me and like 3 other girls were the only ones at least trying to help put up the net. The rest were busy talking away laughing about something not at all related to practice. Things like that piss me the fuck off. When two girls were trying to tighten the net some girls kept serving... and missing making it harder for the girls working on the net. It's like they have no respect and no common sense. Let's say at dinner (when I used to eat dinner with the team - I avoid it now because it annoys me so much) I would be sitting with three girls who would be having a conversation. One would ask "oh, how'd it go with so-and-so last night?" and they'd reply "oh, i'll tell you later." It's as if they don't want to say anything in front of me (this has happened on bus rides from away games too! they'd whisper to each other about going to some club together or something like they wouldn't want me to hear when I'm literally sitting behind you and I already know that you're going, I just don't want to go anywhere with you guys). Honestly, what you say won't change my opinion of you at all. I already think you're a slutty bitch, now I just think you're rude and inconsiderate on top of it. UGH!
I mean, as individuals I can learn to appreciate each team member. I even like to have some of them as friends! But I absolutely hate them as a team. They branch off into their little cliques and all they do is talk shit about each other. It's ridiculous. They make fun of each other behind each others' backs all the time! I don't know if it's just a girl thing but it makes me furious how much this team is not a team. I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I'd rather play at BCNC with people who appreciate me. I don't want to stand on the sidelines taking stats and cheer for a team that doesn't care about me. What's the point?
It's been an interesting year so far. Yes, it's been a decent experience. I've learned that I'm not even a "good" hitter (according to my coach). I've learned what my tolerance level for some people is. But I can't stay with this team any longer. They suck.

I skipped today mothafuckkaaazzzzz!!! Lmao.

Last night I came back from the game and I was just completely exhausted. I couldn't do like any of my work and I decided that I was gonna skip today. Well I did it! I woke up earlier, went to take my Precalc test first period, came back and fell asleep. I didn't have a chance to really study for the test, but I tried it anyway. I think I got the first half right.. but that doesn't say much about the second half because I completely skipped one question and there were only four on the entire test :\ I hope I got a.. decent score (as in above 50 lol). Anyway I just woke up and aside from being scared shitless of my blaring alarm radio, I feel amazing! This wasn't the first time I've skipped a class, but it's definitely the first time I've skipped 3 in a row haha.

I am so bad >:3

And this morning while I was at breakfast with my roommate and another friend this girl came up to our table and told me that she loved my hair! ^_^ I love getting compliments in the morning haha. She came by again after putting away her plate and asked if it was natural and I said yes (6 months and going mothafuckkkaaaaaa.... is what I wanted to say lol ._. ) then she introduced herself to me and my friends. Angela. I hope I don't forget that name. She looked like a fashion major considering the fact that she was just wearing a red oversized sweater and heels. But yea, it made me feel pretty special (because I literally just pulled back my hair with a clip today haha). Yay me!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Remember when pizza parties used to be the shit?

Those days when having a pizza party was the ultimate goal for working in a group. Haha, but yea, that was back in elementary and middle school... back when one slice of pizza could actually fill you up lmao.

Don't be afraid to speak your mind.

If you want to say something, say it. If you want to do something, do it! Don't let anyone stand in your way of doing what you want to do. You have the strength, the brains, and the ability - use it. Be confident.


I think I have a(nother) cavity D:
I checked on WedMD earlier for signs of a cavity and it said that having toothaches after eating sweet things or hot or cold liquids is most likely a sign. That's not good because I've been having tooth aches for the past week and a half or so :(
And I have no idea when I'll be able to go to the dentist because the one I go to in Boston is only open in the mornings on Saturdays. And I have class and practice all week and games on the weekends. Great.
Darn my addiction to candy!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Fading friends. It's a topic that I may know a bit too much about. It's never a good feeling knowing that you're losing touch with a close friend. And even if, in reality, you aren't, the doubt that you are is absolutely paralyzing.
Two friends. Overtime I've lost two best friends to distance. When we moved apart we experienced different things and became different people afn come the time we reunited, we were strangers all over again. I've moved onto my third best friend now and I can't help but feel like the story will end the same way. I can't part with the idea that I'm the one doing something wrong. Am I not communicating enough? Am I no longer trustworthy? Am I not being a good friend? Or is this all in my head? Is this just a side effect of that evil doubt sheltered in the back of my mind? What's happening?
I know I write about this all too often but it's something - it's about someone all too dear to me.

There was once a time when I said I would never have another best friend too. Because the pain of us parting hurt too much. It sounds like... falling in love lol. It's as if I can't help getting attached to one friend over all my others.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

L'art de L'amitié

Just an old post from 1/25/11 I never finished until now lol.

Friendship is a funny thing.Recently in Biomedical Science I've been learning about the brain and how it functions. It's amazing to know that every thought you have, everything you percieve, every emotion you feel, every function you do is due to the network of neurons in your brain and the near-invisible neurotransmitters passed throughout it.

Old Post Two

Just an old post from 8/8/11 I never finished until tonight lol.

Having dealt with a funeral recently (the person wasn't that close to me, thank goodness, but it was still very sad)... I would like to put the FUN in my funeral! :D lol just kidding. In the unfortunate event that my life gets taken away from me before my time I have a few specific ideas about how I would like my funeral. I'm hoping that someone finds this and tells my family if something ever does happen.
First of all, I don't want to be buried. I would like to be cremated. And if possible, I'd like my ashes to be spread into the sea so I can travel the world (something I've always wanted to do) in my afterlife :)
Secondly, I'm sure my family will have a wake. During the wake I would like the songs "In the Arms of an Angel" and "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLaughlin to be played. I actually don't like listening to either of those songs because they bring up bad memories haha, but at my funeral I'm sure they'll soothe some people. Sarah has quite a lovely voice, I must admit.
Third, I request that my immediate family wears white instead of black. My extended family is welcome to do the same. Black is such a depressing color. Wear white! Don't mourn me, be proud of the life that I've lived, honor it.
Fourth, I don't want any roses at the wake. I just think they're so... cliche. I do like the fact that they last a lot longer than any other flower, but I don't prefer them. Find some orange flowers if you can please!

And I think that's pretty much it. Overall, the important thing is that my family respects my wish to be cremated, not buried. I realize that this is a weird thing to write about but we talk about death in my family all the time lol. My mom works in hospice care. She takes care of elderly about to die and death is pretty much second nature to her so I've never found it weird to talk about people's deaths, including my own haha.

Old Post One

Just some old post from 6/23/11 I never finished until tonight lol.


Best Quotes :)

Effy: That milk's two week old.
Sid: It's OK. I put some cocoa powder in it. It's a bit chewy, that's all.

Sid: Yeah, I hear what you're saying, Tone, but well, 1) I wasn't talking about her, b) today's about a) Chris, and b) results, so that leaves no room for 3) Cassie, and d) it's none of your business? ...I got that sorta confused.

Matty: You're beautiful.
Franky: No. No I'm not. I'm... I'm a no-good shit magnet. I'm nothing.
Matty: So why do I see a glorious fucking headfuck thing? <--- Lmao. Best compliment ever.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Au Naturale

I've been going natural since March 2011. And I'm liking my decision more and more each day :)

"Don't you love my limited photo-editing skills? lol"

I miss that girl.

Cream Cheese.

I'm a picky eater, I'll admit it. Not only am I allergic to a bunch of different things but I just don't eat certain foods because I don't like their taste. I can't help it. I think I get it from my mom.
Well there are some foods that I just don't like that I don't even remember trying. For instance, today someone gave me a packet of cream cheese to eat with a bagel. I honestly don't remember the last time I tried cream cheese, all I know is that it doesn't please my taste buds. But I wanted to give it a try just to make sure I really didn't like it. So I did. And honestly? .......... it tasted like crap. Whoever thought of putting cheese on a bagel was an idiot (unless we're talking about pizza bagels, because that was a genius idea). So I guess the moral from that was to just trust my instincts? Oh well lol.


So I went to the movies with my roommate yesterday and we saw 50/50. She pointed out to me afterwards that I was laughing at scenes no one else was laughing at. Sure, I realized I was doing it at the time because of the deafening silence I would hear after I laughed, but I didn't think it was that bad haha. I guess I just laugh at awkward or uncomfortable situations. Although... 50/50 is a movie about some guy battling cancer so in the end I look like an asshole for laughing. Nice.