Is it bad that I'm purposely bailing on my friends from school? I don't want to talk to them. I know that I've said that I'm tired of them, that I've spent my time with them and now I just spend time at home. But in the end I don't think this is good for me at all. The more I distance myself from them... the more we'll change. And probably grow apart. Then I won't have anyone to call a friend at all. I'll truly be a loner. I don't really want to be alone that much.
It's as though there are two sides to me. The Boston side and the Framingham side. Honestly, I act pretty much the same in both places. I have my weird, outspoken moments and I have my quiet, secluded moments. It's just that in Framingham with all the friends I've made there I feel like they barely know me at all. Partially because I don't open up like I do with my friends in Boston, say, that I've known for years. And partially because I feel sort of out of place with them. They all click so well and I'm just... me. (I'd like not to think it has to do with my race...) It's probably all my fault for not being more... open. Anyway, because I feel out of place with them, I'm inclined to just avoid them and all of Framingham for a good while until I'm forced to reunite again (when school starts). But like I said, distance can change people. What I'm doing isn't helping my situation.
What's wrong with me? Why do I push people away?
I think it's good to be alone once in a while but I do hope that you can open up or try to hang out more with your Framingham friends! Part of the college experience -- living in a dorm, is to make special connections with people as well as living on your own! (: They're the people you see the most during the school year/day. I understand how you feel about feeling out of place with them, I feel that at Clark too, but having a group of people who like you and want to share memories with you, I wouldn't let that go (:
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